It is not always easy to realise that we are caught in a relationship that is hurting us. Often, the wear and tear appears gradually, disguised as jealousy "because I love you", criticism "for your own good" or prolonged silences that slowly become normal. And this is how, little by little, some relationships stop being a place of care and become a constant source of anxiety, fear or insecurity.
Contrary to what many people imagine, a toxic relationship does not have to involve shouting or physical violence. It may be a succession of small gestures, words and attitudes that, taken together, erode self-esteem and distance a person from themselves. The impact is real and well documented: relationships marked by control, manipulation or persistent devaluation can increase stress, anxiety, sadness, insecurity and even physical symptoms such as insomnia, pain or changes in appetite.
Often, one of the first signs is isolation. A person begins to spend all their time with their partner and, without noticing, gradually moves away from family, friends, hobbies and important parts of their life. The relationship stops being a place of shared freedom and becomes a kind of bubble, where anything from the outside is seen as a threat.
There are also relationships in which criticism is constant. The partner devalues the other person’s efforts, mocks their tastes, minimises their achievements or makes comments that seem small, but repeat often enough to start weighing heavily. Over time, this dynamic can undermine confidence and create an environment in which the person begins to doubt themselves.
Another common element is control disguised as care. It may begin with apparently harmless questions, such as "who are you going out with?" or "why didn’t you reply to my message straight away?", but develop into monitoring the phone, social media, clothing or even friendships. The person then starts adjusting their behaviour to avoid conflict, giving in more and more, even when they feel their own limits are being crossed.
In some relationships, the partner refuses to recognise their own mistakes and always blames the other person for whatever goes wrong. This lack of responsibility may come with emotional manipulation, in which the victim is led to believe that they are exaggerating or imagining things. The term gaslighting has been used to describe this subtle and deeply harmful form of manipulation: distorting reality to the point where a person begins to distrust their own memory, perception or judgement.
In some cases, jealousy appears strongly. There may be unfounded accusations of cheating, constant suspicion and a sense of possession that has no place in a healthy relationship. Sometimes the person who accuses the most is also the one hiding the most, but even when there is no lying or betrayal, living under permanent suspicion is a form of emotional strain.
There are also relationships in which everything revolves around changing the other person, as if love were a project of "fixing" someone. The partner expects the person to change who they are, their body, their dreams, their friendships or what they value. But love should not require the renunciation of identity. When we feel that we are ceasing to be ourselves in order to please someone else, it is important to stop and reflect.
Leaving a toxic relationship, or even recognising that one is in it, can be difficult. Many people feel shame, guilt, fear that they are exaggerating or hope that everything will return to how it was at the beginning. Recovery begins with a simple but painful step: admitting that what is happening is not healthy.
Seeking support from friends, family or professionals can be essential for rebuilding self-esteem and recovering a life with room to breathe. If there is violence, threat, stalking or fear for one’s safety, it is important to seek specialised help and not face the situation alone. Each person has their own pace, but everyone deserves a relationship where there is respect, freedom and genuine affection.
If parts of this text feel familiar, remember: you are not alone. And you do not have to accept less than a love that is good for you.
Reviewed on 22 August 2026.